Why Self-Compassion Is Healthier than Self-Esteem

For decades, our culture has promoted a simple psychological message: if you want to be happy and successful, you need high self-esteem. Parents are encouraged to build it in their children, teachers are told to nurture it in the classroom, and self-help books promise that believing in yourself is the key to a fulfilling life. Popular culture reinforces the same idea, sometimes humorously. Many people still remember Stuart Smalley’s famous affirmation: “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!”

The message is appealing because it sounds empowering. If we simply learn to think positively about ourselves, the reasoning goes, our problems will fade away. Yet over the past few decades, psychological research has begun to paint a more complicated picture. While feeling good about ourselves certainly has benefits, the constant pursuit of high self-esteem can come with unexpected costs.